MENTION OF THE MONTH

Well done to my current crush Nora – 3rd in the heelwork to music at Crufts! May I have the pleasure of the next dance please?

MATTER OF THE MONTH

My new book’s coming out very soon (see cover, pictured), as fans of quality literature will be well aware. I expect publication day (April 28th) is stamped in diaries up and down the land. What’s fab is that King Chuck has declared a day off for everyone on May 8th, specifically so that you can pop your feet up and read my book. Thanks, Your Maj!

It’s called Teej!, which is short for tedious, and what I say when I get cross. Like if the treats run out, or if Boudicca (the cat I’m forced to live with) looks at me funny.

Study the cover closely for lots of clues to the story. There’s Fields for a start, and this super shop makes an appearance in the book. What’s more, the excellent manager Clare is going to stock some copies to sell, which shows impeccable taste and admirable business acumen I must say.

You’ll also see me, which is significant as I do feature. And oh yes, there’s a flag of St George, and by George it’s a good read. What else? Well, er… there’s a seagull, and seagulls have bills, and a bill is another name for an invoice and a dog losing her bark and therefore not being in-voice is a key part of the story. It’s all there, you see - you just need to look.

So that’s all good. Clues galore. Like one of those classic cryptic album covers. Just call me Sergeant Pupper.

I have to give a big woof out to Lorraine, the incredible artist who did the illustrations, when it turned out I couldn’t hold a brush. Blow these silly paws! Some people are saying that Lorraine’s pictures are the best bit about my book, which I find a bit rude. However, I have to say they are pretty blooming good. She’s definitely brought out my best bits.

Any dogs reading who fancy a bit of the same treatment are advised to trot down to The Art Den, where Lorraine will make you look fabulous. (Note - a degree of good looks are required in the first place. If you’re the sort of wonky-looking honker that gives children nightmares, you may be disappointed. Lorraine’s not a miracle worker.)

MUTTS OF THE MONTH

Big barks to all the dogs who helped out in the Turkey earthquake, sniffing out survivors and generally being as helpful as a creature can be. And a huge woofing well done to Alex, the dog pulled out of the rubble, having survived down there for 22 days, with no food and nothing but downright doggedness to keep him going. What he needs is some decent nosh inside him. Talking of which...

MUNCH OF THE MONTH

New in we have Barking Heads Chop Lickin' Lamb and Bowl Lickin' Chicken. Marvellously moreish morsels for mealtime mutts.

MERCHANT OF THE MONTH

I’ve just Brean Down to the National Trust shop, which is one of the best places Ronde here. I'm generally a cosy dog – I'll stay Sutton Hoo-ever's kind enough to offer a lap. But Avebury'd a few bones around a few NT places, from Woofdale to the Barkin Beacons, (Rufford Old Hall being a personal fave) so I know what good work this lot do.

A Killerton of fab things are inside. You'd be a right Drogo to miss out. Stowed in here are tins of tasty biscuits but don't eat loads or you'll get Trelissick. Overall, I'm a Petworth spoiling, of Corfe I am, so you'll always find me Belton down to the NT Shop.

Toto out.