Ballad of the Sidmouth Fatberg, written by poets at the town folk festival

PUBLISHED: 10:27 13 August 2019 | UPDATED: 10:45 13 August 2019

Illustrator Nathan T.Wright was commissioned by South West Water to create the cartoon. Picture:  Nathan T Wright and South West Water

Illustrator Nathan T.Wright was commissioned by South West Water to create the cartoon. Picture: Nathan T Wright and South West Water

South West Water

Check out this collaborative poem written by participants from the poetry workshops at this year's Sidmouth Folk Festival.

For the last two years, both festival goers and residents have signed up for the sessions the Royal Glen Hotel which, this year, focused on the 64-metre fatberg found in Sidmouth earlier this year.

Nestling beneath Jurassic cliffs,

lies lovely Sidmouth town,

a genteel regency seaside jewel,

in Britain's coastal crown.

But Charlie Ewart sewage man,

changed all that around,

when lurking beneath the Esplanade,

a monster Charlie found.

A monster made of wet wipes,

and grease and oil and fat,

and scurrying past, Charlie swore,

a massive well- fed rat.

This fatberg monster started,

from a single misflushed wipe,

that flowed below the Esplanade,

from the pumping station's pipe.

Don't feed the fatberg,

don't put oil down your drain,

don't feed that fatberg make sure your pipes stay clean.

Below the town, the fatberg grew,

in secret, deathly quiet.

how could it not? The townsfolk,

gave it such a hearty diet.

A shiny beast it shimmered there,

as from some horror set,

longer than two tennis courts,

or a Boeing jumbo jet.

South West Water's manager,

Andrew Roantree,

said it was the largest one,

that he had ever seen.

I've never seen a bigger one,

worried Andrew said,

it's set a record for the West,

and given me an aching head.

Don't feed the fatberg,

don't put oil down your drain,

don't feed that fatberg,

make sure your pipes stay clean.

It's going to take around eight weeks,

to break this fatberg up,

with shovels and picks and a high pressure hose,

we'll bring it to the top.

I'm sending down the sewer team,

with Charlie as the lead,

as I know those Hi-vis warriors,

can do the dirty dead.

So through a tiny manhole,

the sewer team was winched,

those brave and stoic sewer men,

they didn't even flinch.

With breathing apparatus,

they faced the wall of gunge,

okay lads Charlie said,

we'll have to take the plunge.

Don't feed the fatberg,

don't put oil down your drain,

don't feed that fatberg,

make sure your pipes stay clean.

Eight full weeks it took them,

but they finally won the fight,

and the monster Sidmouth fatberg,

was banished from our sight.

Charlie'd like to send a message,

that you should stop and think,

of what you might be dropping

down the toilet or the sink.

In future think before you flush,

your wet wipes down the loo,

the only things that should go there,

are paper, pee and poo!

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