Toto, the infamous pooch of Sidmouth, gives a dog's-eye-view of the world

Sidmouth Herald: Toto during his trip on the waves at ExmouthToto during his trip on the waves at Exmouth (Image: Toto)

MUTT OF THE MONTH

I simply must say an och aye to Greyfriar’s Bobby. No, I haven’t become a medium contacting much missed mutts. I refer simply to the belief that Bobby turns out to have probably been a Dandie Dinmont and not a Cairns. If he’d been a Jackapoo it’d have been a different story. A quick goodbye then it’s off find another haggis provider.

MATTER OF THE MONTH

A very brief mention to Pen Farthing and Nowzad, whose Afghan animal airflift was found by the charity watchdog last month to be totally above board and beyond reproach. This was reported with a whole lot less publicity than that given to the carpers and finger-pointers at the time, as I recall. Just sayin’.

MERCHANT OF THE MONTH

Now, I know some people don’t like charity shops, but that’s like saying you don’t like dogs. In other words, the ravings of a maniac. Ignore them. If you can get something you absolutely don’t need in a charity shop for a fraction of the price it is elsewhere, why would you not snap it up there and then?

One of my humans always likes to stop in and look for LPs. No idea what this means – lovely poodles? In which case, clean your glasses and look over here, gramps. I may only be half poodle but I’m all lovely. Anyway, that’s enough talking poo, where was I? Oh yes, him and his CDs (collie dogs?) and DVDs (delightful Vizsla dogs?). No idea what he’s after – I’m always too busy snuffling behind the counter for treats.

Talking of which, big woof out to Sue, Caroline and the rest of the team at Cancer Research – great treat work, gals. Keep it up.

I like most of lovely Sidders’ charity shops (particularly Cats Prevention – a cause very close to my heart) but one or two don’t allow dogs, which strikes me as about as uncharitable as a charity shop can get. Mixed messages, chaps. Maybe I shouldn’t let their employees into my fabulous little shop. Unless they want to buy something, obvs. I may be daft but I’m not stupid.

MOSEY OF THE MONTH

Ales! Beer! Neither of these are available at Alesbeer (not sure of spelling) bird reserve. Not many birds neither. Me and him went there last week, birdspotting pads at the ready, and saw – get this, twitchers – a pigeon. It looked very like one of the ones in my garden. Perhaps it hitched a ride on the car.

We carried on watching like hawks, but no jay, er joy. After all the plover and petrel of getting over there, my lip went into a curlew wouldn’t believe. Eventually, a bird appeared wearing a revolving bow tie and cracking jokes. Turned out it was just a funny tern.

Talking of jokes, the opportunity a bird theme affords for childish and offensive punning involving shags and tits is one a dog like me can readily forego. I’m above such things. If ever I caught myself being so puerile, I’d feel a huge booby. I would!

Anyway, after that, we buzzard off, with a few mournful owls from me. Sorry to grouse, but it was oriole waste of time. However, je ne egret rien,(a la Little Sparrow) because I had a good charge around the fab heathland woofing it up a bit. Really can’t figure out why we didn’t see any birds.

I love birdwatching, me. I do. I’m not a lyre. I never duck out of a trip. I avocet of guide books at home and I can recite from them parrot-fashion. I don’t crow about it though. Very few of the books list what I really want to know – just how tasty is each variety and can you eat the feathers? And is a magpie topped with shortcrust or puff? Anyway, must fly.