As we all crawl tentatively out of the hibernation of the 18-month pandemic, the look and feel of funerals and weddings is starting to return to normal.

And one of the most uplifting parts of the relaxation of rules is being allowed to sing once more.

It has been moving to learn how important this once basic and taken-for-granted act is to people. The idea of not coming together as a congregation to share the familiar words of a hymn has cast a shadow on the service and taken away some of the bond that unites people.

The funeral service is constantly changing and evolving – and it has done throughout history. The current ‘trend’ is for a celebration of life type of ceremony rather than traditional mourning. People want the person who has died to take centre stage, to be in the spotlight one last time.

This is why the Church of England liturgy provokes controversy. Families often say to me that they don’t like church funerals because all the words are the same, just with the name changed. This is because the church’s liturgy focuses on the praying for the soul to enter into eternal life through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The whole service is a prayer.

Popular opinion was apparent at the funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh in April. There were damning verdicts across social media of the Church of England’s funeral service and the dismal faces of the highest clerics. “What an atmosphere of doom”, they cried.

It does seem ironic how a Christian service can feel so solemn and a non-religious service can be bursting with life, when the whole hope of Christianity is the joy of the resurrection – the trampling of death and bursting into eternal life with Jesus Christ.

And yet, when it comes down to it, it is a combination of the old and the new that seems the most in vogue at the moment. Few people want a full church service because they crave something individual, centred on the person who has died. However, they are not keen to ditch every part of the old. The Lord’s Prayer, for example, is still deeply etched in most adult minds; and a hymn which evokes memories of family occasions down the generations is still a comfort at a sad time of goodbye.

I work very closely with Shoobridge Funeral Services, who have branches in Honiton, Exmouth and Exeter, and they are working constantly to establish the right blend of ancient and modern in their ceremonies. There is an appreciation of the delicate balance between the comfort of timeworn rituals and the contemporary aspiration to focus on the individual.

A ceremony has to move the congregation out of the chapel and into something else – be it into a particular memory or moment of the life of the person who has died; be it to God and heaven and the hope of something higher than our lives on Earth; or be it, through the words of a song that can lift and inspire, to look towards a future for those of us left behind.

During the pandemic, we have been able to listen to hymns as pieces of reflective music, in recordings by choirs or soloists. And this has been surprisingly effective. But nothing comes close to owning the words ourselves as they come out of our mouths in unison, so let’s be thankful that this one piece of normality and inspiration has been returned to us after 18 months of silence in the pews.

Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens, Lord, with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless, O abide with me