Toto goes bananas with his love for fruit and veg shop

Winchesters fruit and Veg Picture: Vincent Page

Winchester & Sons fruit and Veg shop is Toto's Merchant of the Month - Credit: Vincent Page

Toto, the infamous pooch of Sidmouth, gives a dog's-eye-view of the world

MUTTS OF THE MONTH – A big royal wave to Fergus and Muick, a dorgi and corgi pair given to The Queen at the end of last year and have now found themselves front and centre in the struggle to see Her Majesty through her sad loss. Good luck, fellas. Your country is counting on you.

MATTER OF THE MONTH: Dogs cost a packet right now. Still a bargain whatever the tag of course, but the average puppy price has more than doubled over the last year. English Bulldogs cost the most – just under three grand. Really? Ohhhh yes. For fifty quid less you can get your paws on a Cavapoo. Miniature Dachshunds are £2,500, Labs £2,000, Staffies £1,300 and, in what must be a typo, Jack Russells are apparently only one measly thousand. Huh? The best breed in the world, along with Poodles, who don’t even make the list. What’s super-surprising is that Jack Russell/Poodle crosses (Jackapoos) aren’t on the list, but I’m assuming they’re so expensive they shot off the top, into a super-list of uber-glam breeds favoured by celebs. (What’s that you say? What sort of dog am I? Oh, Jackapoo, since you ask). Anyway, for £130 you can adopt just as good a dog from Little Valley RSPCA. Or you can have Boudicca, the cat I have to live with, for nowt. Call me - I’ll have her bagged up and ready at a time to suit you.

‘MUSEMENT OF THE MONTH – eco-toys. All the rage these days and even Greta fun than the usual kind. My fave is Lenny the Leek, who is rough, tough and full of natural jute, so if I do manage to get my truly fierce gnashers through Lenny’s outer (made from tough suede, which is a by-product from something or other, I gather) then there’s nothing more horrid inside than dried grass. So go on, take a leek! Ooh, talking of which…

MERCHANT OF THE MONTH – Lettuce now move on to the berry good Winchester’s. What on earth can a greengrocer offer a red-blooded wolf like me? Well, not a lot, truth be told, but one of my people loves it, and he knows his onions. This mangoes in there all the time. It’s like a religion with him - when he goes in, he does the sign of the cress. So I’ve ended up quite a regular, which is a turnip for the books. All manner of stuff crops up. (Crops, mainly.) The place is peppered with fruit and veg, old bean, all your heart could desiree. It’s a squash in there – not mushroom for anything else. Root veg galore (and you can’t beetroot veg). I dig the prices, so if you’re a bit brassica well that’s no bother.
Did I ever tell you about the time I wanted to spoil a rather attractive sheepdog a little while back? I’d heard that Winchesters sell Collie flowers, so in I went, pence in paw. I felt like a right lemon when I saw where I’d gone wrong, more’s the pithy. Anyway, am I a fan of the place? I truly yam. I’ll pear a visit with a trip to the beach next time I’m sprout and about (well, I am part Jack Brussell). Ooh, and if you avocadon’t forget that you can pull up round the back and they’ll plant your pre-order in your boot. Anyway, I won’t punnet any more so that’s shallot for now.

MUNCH OF THE MONTH: Burgers. I’d be telling you a whopper if I said they weren’t tasty. And we’ve got the tastiest ones out there. Lily’s Kitchen beef burgers are so good you simply don’t need a bap. Just don’t get me started on gherkins.

No Mither of the Month this month
Instead, here’s a little rap:
I’m just not up for a moan right now
So I’ll simply cut the cra- bbiness.

Toto out

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