Seagull fun at Kennaway House

PUBLISHED: 13:52 27 April 2012

A FLYING visit to Sidmouth last week, by poet and broadcaster Matt Harvey, stirred deep emotions in Kennaway House Cellar Bar, when seagulls were (metaphorically) targeted .

The following poem, compiled from spontaneous one-liners from the audience, was clearly written with great feeling.

Matt is well known for his regular contributions on BBC Radio 4’s Saturday Live , and was the Poet Laureate at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships in 2010.

He’ll be back at Kennaway House, with a science-themed Wondermentalist Cabaret on Saturday, October 20, for Sidmouth Science Festival.

Some Words about a Seagull…..

Orange beaky beady eyie hooky footy

Sandwich stealer

Motor car garlander, front wall plasterer

Sidmouth seagulls pooing slightly, day and nightly

Jonathan Livingstone splatter

Screeching! Squawking! Swooping! Diving!

Stop showing off and let me have my lie-in!

Your stomach-churning wheeling and turning

…what I want to see is you crashing and burning

So shine, do not whine, you non-special bird

Most elegant poobag

Barbecue-snatcher

Webbed feet in the attack position

The seagull swoops, smoked salmon gone

The beer a puddle on the grass

No lunch today, alas, alas!

It flew along the prom with ease...

Funny, it had no knees

My stolen pasty laced with bicarbonate of soda

I wait with joy at the impending supernova!

Crab-crunching,chip-stealing,tourist-heckler, banshee of the sea

Hey, Mr Big, you (expletive deleted), you (expletive deleted) on me…………

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